Hello everyone! Wow! It has been a long time since any of us have checked back in to our blog. Considering that there are 16 kids between the four of us, we have been pretty busy. I can only speak for myself when I say that I have been in full-blown survival mode.
So as you can imagine, there's not a whole lot of outside defrumping going on with me.However, God is patiently and lovingly helping defrump my inside.
I'm currently in a bible study with several beautiful women who genuinely love the Lord. We are reading through a book written by Angie Nichols called Something Abundant: Growing from a Child of God to the Bride of Christ. I highly recommend it!
Angie asks several questions in the back of the book. One of the questions she asks is what promise is God showing you right now through his word?
Ummm...Hmmm.... Jesus? (Because that's the answer I have given since Sunday school when I didn't know the answer.)
I moved on quickly from that question because I knew he wasn't going to show me anything. Up to that point in my life I felt like I really didn't count with God. Maybe he had promises for the other girls in the study, but I wasn't holding my breath for one.
But as the weeks went on, Psalm 139:17 continued to pop into my head. So much so that I began to wonder if this might...possibly...maybe be a promise from God. I decided to make a wallpaper for my phone so that I could be reminded of it daily.
My mind was blown that God had so many precious thoughts about me, the girl who didn't matter, that they could not be numbered! I don't think I had had that many precious/non-precious thoughts about anyone or anything. Slowly, that verse became my verse and my promise from God.
So let's flashback to the survival mode I was talking about. I have four boys ages 6, 4, 2, and 4 months. I've struggled with being content as a stay-at-home mom for a long time now. I was a teacher before I had my first son, and I still have several thousands of dollars of student loans left to pay off for a degree I hardly used.
My days are now spent cleaning the house, changing diapers, wiping petroleum jelly off the walls, and trying to ignore the ginormous pile of laundry on the floor (along with the petroleum jelly that never came off the walls) that I just don't have the time to get to. Sounds daunting right? A lot of you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. Well, it was daunting in my mind.
That's the petroleum jelly I was talking about.
I realized the other day that I needed a new outlook on things. I wanted to learn not just to be content with things, but truly love what I do. I wanted this to be my dream job and something I looked forward to each day. So how do I get there God?
As I was driving, I was thinking about my verse. How precious are your thoughts about me, oh God.
It was then that the Lord put it into my mind to take out the "me" and add my son's name. I did. Then, I added my other kids' names.
My eyes were opened to how much more he loves them than I do. It also showed me that I needed to have precious thoughts about them daily instead of my daunting "this is so hard" attitude.
So that is where I am at right now. The Lord is patiently leading me with his word. I can't imagine how dumb I must look to him, but I'm holding on to the fact that he promised me his thoughts about me are precious.