Thursday, October 27, 2011

Marriage - What’s the big idea?

Okay, so we as wives are commanded in the New Testament to do a few specific and challenging things in our marriage relationships: submit (Eph. 5:22, Col. 3:18), revere (Eph. 5:32-33), and be in subjection (I Pet. 3:1). And yeah, these are tough enough on their own. I have learned a lot so far, but I have a long way to go. One book that I've found to be especially helpful in this area is Created to be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl.

Respect is super important for the wife’s side of the marriage relationship. Women were made to be loved, men to be respected (check out Emerson Eggerichs’s great resources for even more on this comparison).

Besides that, we were made to be helpers to our husbands (Gen. 2:18-23). Of course, this looks different in each home and relationship, but can generally include things like facilitating meals, home organization, child rearing, and hospitality. It can range from a woman being in complete control of the home domain, to her simply helping and sharing the load in some or all areas of his life.

Basically though, in my mind, my job as my husband’s wife and help meet is to do whatever it is that makes his job of leading and providing for our family easier. Yeah, that means clean laundry, healthy dinners, kiddos in training, non-chaotic home, etc. And yeah, those areas may not be my very favorite things, but I was made for him, not the other way around (I Cor. 11:8-9). So, with the help of my friends, I'm learning and growing here, too.

Now that I've sorted through all that initial being-a-good-wife stuff, what else am I going to write about? Well, since I’m actively growing in those areas already, I’m going to focus on a different -- but no less important -- part of marriage. In fact, I think that this topic is necessary to the other areas of respecting and helping.

What I’m talking about is the fun and interesting bits to a good relationship. Because, I mean, there probably is some dull, boring husband out there who only wants a woman to call him “sir” and make sure his home and kids are perfect and his sexual needs are met 3 times a week...but that’s only because he doesn’t know how fun and exciting his wife and marriage can actually be! ;-)

And really, if all you do is take care of the home, take care of the kids, and meet his needs, and you do it all without joy, excitement, and enthusiasm --- that is FRUMPY to the max! You may be doing everything right...but in the wrong way.

(Let that soak in....)

Really, men NEED companionship! A man needs his woman to come up beside him, share his load, and be his playmate. In a lot of marriages (including my own), husband and wife are best friends with fewer close friends outside that relationship than before marriage. And, for me, I’d like my husband to consider me his favorite person to be around, and vice versa. I am blessed here; my husband already likes hanging out with me more than "the guys" -- or anyone else, for that matter. :-D

Think about it this way - when your man fell for you, was he considering how well you could cook, clean, and manage a home? Did he interview you on your child-rearing and educating philosophies? Did he pick you out and marry you in a day so you can run his home like Milly for Adam Pontipee??? You get the point.

Sure, he may (or may not) have considered those things, but it's more likely that he saw you as a beautiful/cute/sexy/smart/funny/Godly/sweet/interesting/passionate/loving sweetheart!! He liked you, he thought you were neat, he wanted to be around you, and he felt like he was on top of the world because you thought and felt the same way about him!

What is it going to take to get back to that? For me, it’s going to take some creativity and planning. It’s also going to take moving out of my comfort zone (a common theme in my relationships), expending additional energy in preparation, and not just letting the days go by without attempting to be that merry-hearted girl of his dreams. I'm adding things to my repertoire and trying things out to share with you in the near future.

So there's your preview into defrumping your marriage. Stay tuned tomorrow for a special tip for surviving the upcoming season and endearing yourself to your man!

Be intentional! :-)

Linking here!


  1. Thanks so much for stopping by!

  2. I REALLY enjoyed/needed to read this today. Thanks, Susan.